My ray of sunshine

Fighting For Freedom

I feel a bit more gratitude today which is something I can lose when I’m not in a great place.

I planned on doing nothing today but a friend text at 9am asking to meet up for a brew. I wasn’t really feeling it but I dragged my sorry ass out of bed and into the bath (always love a good bath!). Threw on some leggings, my “believe in yourself” top and a hoodie, teamed with my Primark £6 converse. Wasn’t really feeling the make up today but wore it anyway as my skin is horrendous. Braided my hair as was I shite messing on with straightening it today. Left the dishes, something I never do as I’m a germ freak but thought fuck it.

Got to George st and wasn’t really feeling being around people so I changed tables five times. And then my friend came.

I mean yeah…

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Community Starts at Home

community , community starts at home , family , how to be a changemaker , impacting the world , life advice , making change , where community really starts , where to make change

Bayance

Hey girl hey. And boy.

My mom and I were talking about giving back to the community yesterday and it went something like this.

Me: My old teacher was telling me about the number of refugees that are filling the school and the recent ones that don’t know how to read and write. She wants to accommodate for everyone but it’s super hard teaching now that there are people with different levels of ability.

Mom: Ah, the new Syrians that escaped the borders. It’s definitely been tough for them.

Me: Yeah, I want to help. But I have school to attend and it’s hard tutoring because it’s a far drive. Maybe I can start with my own neighbourhood. And just volunteer and tutor math and English in the summer. A lot of the refugee parents came here to give their kids an education too but it’s hard with the language…

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You are not a “hero” because you love someone with a disease

disability , false pride , family , family dynamics , family dysfunction , heros , invisible illness , love , pain , pride , real love , suffering , unconditional love

DragonsandDandelions

My family always called my husband a hero because he just kept on loving me. The abuse aspect was never discussed as to him being a hero for loving me through which I’d more give him a gold star for THAT because even though I am easy to love (!!!!), It is not easy living with someone who has a trauma history even if you are as super fabulous as I am 😊. But they never cared about the trauma part he was the hero for taking care of their daughter with a disability and staying married in spite of it all!!!

My husband was put up so high on a pedastal for loving with me, taking care of me, being married to me, supporting me, JUST BECAUSE OF MY DISEASE. I can understand putting him on a pedastal because he is a straight up awesome individual! Or because he…

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A correction – Moving was the best thing for both of us

family , happiness , motivation , moving , personal

The Daily Score

Changing ones living situation really does make all the difference in the world. Even though we have only been living in the new place for four nights, the impact has been drastic already. The other night, coming home from work, making a cup of tea and helping in the fixing of dinner, followed by some light cleaning, a little relaxation, some yoga and then reading in bed was just so much more calming, and relaxing than any night I can remember in months that wasn’t when I was on vacation.

The idea to relocate was not my own, it was my wife’s, and I am very grateful for that. We were both increasingly unhappy with the situation we were in, becoming more and more frustrated by the day. Something had to give, and finally it did. If I was living in the prior place on my own, I likely would…

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Listening isn’t enough.

adjusting, family, listening, personal growth, receiving, support, therapy

Chasing My Dreams


After rescheduling my therapist appointment due to illness and weather multiple times for over a month, I finally went to see her yesterday. Husband went with me after work so that we were able to window shop for his AR and my 9mm before dinner with some friends and enjoy a nice double date. He asked if I wanted him to come into the room with me and I thought why not, I have nothing to hide and nothing I say today he won’t have heard before. It was wonderful. Let me reiterate that, WONDERFUL.

My therapist let him know that coming into the room meant he was a part of it and not just there. We spoke about my original reason for beginning sessions with her, the miscarriages and the medication. We then moved on to my “homework” from the last session and my progress, triggers, stressors, and all…

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The importance of Language

dad and daughter, dad and daughter love, fun, magic, relationships, sidhdharth paleja, tamira, tamira paleja

Tamira Paleja

As I quote ‘If you don’t understand my silence … you will never understand my words’

My daughter Tamira has taught me that love has no language, if you want to understand and love a person there is no freakin… language barrier its the willingness to go beyond your thinking and want to understand someone who just can express.

When I am with Tamira I have no time to think anything except for her & sudd the jatapatapata language has started making sense. We exchange words with no meanings and still understand each other. Right from a 10 day old baby I have tried spending most of my time with her by just looking and reciprocating and now she does the same which is totally fun… The magic of understanding each other is beautiful and the fun times are just to precious, from getting up at 2.00 am at night…

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Learning How to Grow

fulfillness, happiness, Life

Saturday Night Wine

Growing up, my mother always used to say “life’s a bitch and then you die”.  I know, doesn’t that inspire positivity? The only thing my mother seemed to be passionate about was attempting to be the perfect daughter, mother and wife.  And she was miserable all of the time.  As I started to become more independent in life and pulled away from my family a bit, my mother seemed to build up the time we did share together, to the point where it was impossible for me to ever please her.  And, as a result, she became despondent, disappointed.  The pressure became too much for me and I pushed further and further away from her.

Slowly, I am learning I cannot depend on anyone for my own happiness, just as my mother couldn’t depend on any of us for her happiness.  I think this is a very hard lesson…

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